an interesting conversation....

Realized a few things today, these realizations being sparked by various conversations. One with my parents, one chatting with a friend.

The group of people I hang out with here in Cali may need a re-vamp. I love them all and always will but there are quite a few problems with them and I hanging out much.

Problem one: my ex. I love the guy I do but he's making my life too difficult. He's so sweet and has really grown up alot. He's defintely not the same guy I dated in high school. Except for one thing: he still thinks he loves me. Being loved is good, we all need it. But it's getting to the pont where I'm actually uncomfortable being alone with him, even if everyone else is around, I get weirded out and start feeling stifled if it ends up just being the two of us talking. I've been making it a point to avoid one-on-one hanging out with him for this reason, but now I don't even want to have a one-on-one conversation with him even if there are other people with us. I'm not sure how I'm going to fix this. I just want him to get himself a girl and get over me, I can't handle being responsible for his happiness.

Problem two: my sister's best friend. I lvoe the guy, he's the big brother I never had growing up. But as the center of our group of friends, he also has no real job, dropped out of college and is just kinda frittering away all his talent doing nothing. And he's so talented that I hate to see him doing nothng with it. It's begining to rub off on people, I can't afford that.

Problem three: I'm the only one with a kid. I don't think any of them quite understand how difficult it is for me to get out the house these days. Molly requires lots and lots of stuff and obviously she's my first priority. Their dogs make me nervous and while it's nice to have someone else keep an eye on her for a bit, I'm selfish and don't want to share her *that* much. I only get so much time before I start working again , I want to get the most out of what time I do get to spend with her. I have a very different mindset than them, I have to put someone besides myself first, they don't.

So I think the solution is to try and cultivate some new friendships. I've been trying and will continue in that effort. In no way am I planning to totally abandon my old friends, I just need new ones who understand my new life a little better.

The other thing is that there are too many boys in my life. They are complicated and silly and I need to wean myself off of them.

Haha! You thought you were gonna get the juicy details there didn't you? Too bad.